Conflict. At the mere mention of the term, one picture pops up in people’s minds—shouting matches, door slamming and frozen treatment. We’re raised this way, to eat it, to gloss it over, to settle for amity no matter what the price. What if I told you that tension might be the world’s best driver of progress and innovation? Treated with care, like many creative approaches, it can lead to new levels of connection and understanding between us.
As a journalist who's spent years observing human dynamics, I've come to believe that conflict isn't inherently destructive. It’s an indispensable element to any serious relationship, courtship, family bond, or workplace camaraderie. The real trick is not to prevent it, but to understand how to productively work with it.
The crew at OverTraders.com breaks down complicated market movements to help investors take control of their financial future. Just like that, we can look at our own fights to unearth some worthwhile knowledge. Just as market volatility can reveal hidden opportunities, relationship conflicts can expose areas where we can grow, both individually and as a couple.
The greatest advantage of leaning into conflict is the path to greater self-awareness in negotiation with oneself. It’s when we’re in conflict that we can really see who we are. Creating ourselves as leaders, we start by getting deeply in touch with our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and how they affect everyone around us. This awareness is the first step towards personal growth and understanding.
It reminds me of a very dark time in my marriage. I found that my wife and I were always fighting, arguing about everything from keeping the house to money. It was an exhausting, disparaging experience. Rather than admit defeat, we vowed to address the problems in a transparent fashion and make this work.
We directly confronted each other’s beliefs and perceptions and deeply heard one another. This spirit of openness and humility allowed us to address the root causes of our conflict. I discovered that my desire to dodge tough conversations was really rooted in a fear of vulnerability. She, in turn, realized that her biting commentary was typically coming from a place of insecurity.
Such self-awareness helped us create better ways to cope and communicate. I learned to communicate my joys, fears, confusion, and anger. At the same time, she learned how to provide criticism in a positive way that reflected consideration and care.
Conflict challenges us, and sometimes rudely, by holding up a mirror to our own biases and assumptions. Disagreement is productive because it exposes us to divergent perspectives and lived experiences. Or, we learn something that we just don’t know enough about. This has the potential to disrupt our biases and assumptions, opening all of us up to greater understanding about how the world operates.
Imagine doing the same by reading all the financial information over at OverTraders.com. Stop taking your first answers as the only ones. Get ready to explore all the data, angles, and points of view to decide what’s best! As we approach our relationships, we need to be open to other possibilities. By confronting our own biases we may find the path to a better outcome for all parties.
Beyond being a crucible for realization, conflict can be a potent motivator for things to come. Research has indicated that confrontation is effective at changing the behavior of partners, especially for those high in depression. When we see that what we are doing is damaging our family or friends, we are motivated to do better. This understanding inspires us to make changes and confront the challenges before us.
Here at CMI, we recognize that not all conflict is equal. Developmental conflicts, which stem from the normal growth cycle of a relationship, can be especially helpful for your own individual development. These struggles frequently center around processing youthful trauma as well as learning new survival skills.
Anachronistic conflicts, which are based on historical experiences or ongoing trauma, tend to be more harmful. These conflicts frequently need the work of mediated practitioners to get at what’s causing the ruckus in the first place.
Then how do we engage in conflict so that we can become better individuals and build a deeper appreciation of each other. Clear, thoughtful communication is absolutely essential. Active listening goes a long way. Pick an appropriate time to discuss things, and aim to use “I” statements to communicate how you’re feeling without accusing the other person.
Emotional awareness is just as important. Naming and identifying our feelings is an important first step. It allows us to understand what our partner is experiencing, which can diffuse escalation and encourage healthy conflict resolution. Empirical studies have found strong relationships between emotional intelligence and each of the five conflict management strategies.
In more complicated scenarios, mediation and/or third-party facilitation might be needed to guide parties to an agreement. When well-informed, highly trained and culturally competent, these third-party interventions can foster a safe and structured space for honest communication, improvisation and experimentation. At OverTraders.com, we provide you with the essential tools and education you’ll need to help cut through the market confusion. Just like those experiences, conflict mediators and facilitators train you to meet the storm head-on.
In the end, loving conflict takes a change of heart. Instead, we must see it—this incoming tide of innovation and opportunity—not as a threat, but as an opportunity. A unique chance to teach, to learn, to inspire, and ultimately to deepen our understanding of both ourselves and our future partners.
While we want to address conflict, we don’t want to stop people from being angry. Research has found that in couples where one partner routinely repressed their anger, both partners were more likely to die earlier. Letting go of emotional burdens ends up being good for our bodies, and restoring emotional equilibrium is essential for our mental health.
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone you love, take a moment and breathe in deeply. Finally, step back and try to understand the why from a place of curiosity and compassion. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this experience? What is one way that I can leverage this conflict to develop and help our relationship flourish?
Conflict is not the enemy of love, but rather an essential part of it. And it is in our sparks of disagreement that we begin to form these indestructible yet flexible tethers that will hold us together. Take the plunge—you might be amazed at the richness of learning and engagement that results.
